Top Ten Tips to Avoiding International Embarrassment

A lot of you reading this may not be England fans (luckily for you). Nor may you have ever seen an England match before because our international matches have no interest to you (and I don’t blame you). However, you may have recently seen “the Farce”, as the right honorary and great Adrian Chiles referred to it as, against Poland on the 16th October.

Although it wasn’t played on the 16th, because the Polish FA refused to close the roof in order for them to have somewhere to park their nuclear sub for the night. As a result, the Polish FA made fools of themselves and their country in front of the entire world after what was a great Euros.

But how does this affect you? I know for a fact that there is no way you want to embarrass yourself when you finally pull on your nation’s colours in the 2014 World Cup, so how do you avoid it?

Just stick to these ten simple tips.

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Originally posted for BettingExpert.

Top Ten Tips To Qualifying For The 2014 World Cup

It seems like it was only yesterday that Euro 2012 was finishing, as Spain once again lifted that gleaming trophy above their gelled, slick hairs after conquering the continent.

It gave us some great talking points too; such as France’s performances being worse than the average X-Factor contestant and Portugal, Germany and Holland proving, once again, that Alan Hansen has no knowledge of football and should never have become a football pundit. Lord Sugar would do a better job.

Looking back, it makes you miss major international football more than a small child misses it’s mother when she goes on a boozy night out. But dry those tears, open your European road map and start looking at those God-awful Easyjet flights because the World Cup 2014 qualifiers are upon us!

But just how do you qualify for them? With teams like Kazakhstan, San Marino and Macedonia in the qualifiers, teams are going to need help with defeating the unknown. So where do you find someone who has this knowledge? Read on for some top tips on how to qualify for the Brazil World Cup 2014!

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Posted on BettingExpert on September 7th 2012. 

ROD’s Guide to the Euro’s Quarter Finals

I bet you can guess what I’ve been doing the last two weeks, can’t you? It's more than likely the exact same that you’ve been doing: waiting until 5o’clock came so that you could sit down to watch the Euros until 10 o’clock. Also, again probably the same as you, I’ve managed to watch every single game of the competition so far (apart from Matchday 3 games – that would be impossible unless I was Will Smith in Men in Black Three). All I can say is thank god that the football is back! After what seems like an eternity in the sporting wilderness where I was watching beach soccer and American college basketball it’s only right that the Euros has conjured up some fantastic games! Who would’ve guessed that Greece would beat Russia in their final group game to seal a quarter final spot after the Russians seemed like the Red Army smashing their way through Germany in the Second World War or that Holland would go home pointless after being tipped by some to paint Poland and the Ukraine orange! Truly, football is a remarkable game.

But what next? Well, as I’m sure you’ll know we enter the quarterfinal stage of the competition (which is tomorrow, yet more football to feast upon!) and as a result of that you will probably need some information on the teams so you can reel off your knowledge in the pub with your friends who will pretend to care but really will just want to throttle you for being a know-it-all. Luckily for you, you seem to have stumbled upon my little guide to Euro 2012 quarterfinalists with all the knowledge you need to know for the next four days.

Team One: The Czech Republic 

When the groups were first announced Group A was seen by many as the easiest group of them all. Very much an eastern-European affair with the exception of those intimidating Greeks, it looked like a walkover for Russia and then a straight out dogfight for second place between Poland and the Czech Republic. Football is a strange game, and it didn’t turn out that way.

After a good old fashioned beating from Russia, who managed to put 4 past the Czechs and Darth Vader, oh, er, I mean Petr Cech, it all looked very worrying for the Czechs. But they plucked up the courage and strength to beat the Greeks in Matchday Two (just) that put them on the brink of qualification. After a tightly fought neighbour vs neighbour battle in Wroclaw that had more in common with UFC than football the Czechs managed to get that win that saw them through into the quarter-finals, in which now will now face Ronaldo. No wait, I mean Portugal. 

What Czech players are the ones to keep an eye on? Well, Petr Jiracek certainly seems to have lit the eyes of some managers – mostly those that buy talent based on tournament performances it has to be said – and he will certainly be one that Portugal have to watch. Another Czech that seems to have been performing well is Václav Pilař who has scored twice for the Czechs so far in the tournament, which is very healthy seeing as the top goal scorer thus far has 3.

The Portuguese will have to be on their best form and not allow Ronaldo to get taken out of the game if they hope to withstand the Czech onslaught and avoid a massive shock. That said, Portugal are having a bit of trouble with cheques at the moment aren’t they?

Team Two: Portugal

Runners-up in the “Group of Death”, Portugal seem to have come into play at the right time of the tournament. After being beaten 1-0 by the ruthless Germans and somehow managing to beat the Danes in a thriller in Lviv, Ronaldo well and truly put Holland to the sword. I’m sorry, I meant Portugal. I have no idea why I keep saying Ronaldo in a singular form, as if he makes the Portugal team!

The Portuguese will most definitely fancy their chances: the fashion boys of Europe with their gelled hair and their waxed backs are against the vicious, long-haired Czechs who care not for looks but want to taste Portuguese blood. Portugal are most certainly in for a battle.

The players to watch? Of course, they have Ronaldo, the second-best player in the world whose step-overs and flip-flaps are a thing of art and should be displayed in the National Art Gallery. Nani is also another Portuguese star that has all the usual flair that we come to expect of the Premier League star that I’m sure is another one to watch on Thursday.  Fábio Coentrão, the Madrid defender, is also another one to watch. With one assist to his name already, expect many bombardments down the wing from him against the Czechs.

Quarter-Final One Prediction: Czech Republic 0-2 Portugal

Team Three: Germany

The Germans. European powerhouse in both terms of politics and football. They are the only team to have won all three of their games in the group stages, which is no surprise seeing we all know how efficient they are. In what was billed as a close game, Germany simply walked all over Holland (not for the first time) and wouldn’t have conceded if it weren’t for a bit of magic from Van Persie. Germany were simply brilliant.

Now they face up to the Greeks, resilient, strong, and funnily enough completely at the will of the German government and Angela Merkel. Although Greece isn’t exactly a major footballing nation, they have won the Euros before in 2004 and they managed to beat the Russians to get this far, so the Germans will most certainly be looking to crush any form of resistance to their plans of securing Euro 2012.

Germany have developed so much fresh talent in the past few years that it actually frightens me. The main players to watch out for in this game however? The joint-leading top goal scorer: Mario Gomez (how un-German does that sound?) is most certainly at the forefront of the German bombardment. In the past Greece had Alexander the Great. Now they must face Mario the Conqueror. Another player that the Germans have in their awesome firepower is Mesut Ozil, the little magician from Gelsenkirchen. Often compared to Zidane, the Madrid legend, his quick feet and attacking style of play can cause a problem to any defence, even if the Greeks defend like Trojans. Certainly, both are ones to watch out for in this quarterfinal match.

Team Four: Greece

After being drawn into Group A and being held to a 1-1 draw with co-hosts Poland in their first game after a diabolical refereeing decision and then being beaten 2-1 by the Czech Republic thing looked bleak for Greece. Not as bleak as their politics, but bleak nonetheless. But then something amazing happened: they beat the Russians. That shock result put them through in second place behind the Czechs, and into the siege that will be the quarterfinal against Germany.

Greece have it all to do, but they have reason to do it. In political terms, the Greeks will have no better incentive to beat the Germans than to get one over Angela Merkel.  After their crisis in the Eurozone, getting one over the woman that holds all the keys (which could be any woman to be honest) could be the inspiration they need to create a shock and knock the Germans out.

Giorgos Karagounis is certainly the Greek to look out for in the coming game – it was his goal that knocked the Russians out in matchday three.  The modern day Achilles, the Germans will have to be able to put him in their back pockets to have an easier time in this match. How is it they killed Achilles in the end? A stud to the ankle? Hmm…

Quarter-Final Two Prediction: Germany 3-0 Greece

Team Five: Spain

Being drawn into Group C, many expected Spain to have very little, if no problems in qualifying for the knockout stages. Apart from a blip against Italy, they were back on form again to knock the stuffing out of an Ireland team that looked extremely poor, very much like the country itself. Spain only just managed to beat Croatia in their final group game, with a Jesus Navas goal, which took some real skill to smash in from two yards in the 88^th minute securing them the win. 

Spain play the French in what will surely be a tightly contested match, as both teams are some of the best at the tournament. Spain are defending their crown (which hasn’t been done yet) which is the incentive the win here. Spain can of course take heart from France’s dismal performance against the Swedes last night in which they were beaten 2-0.

Spain have so many phenomenal players to look out for, but if I had to pick one which has outshone the rest in this tournament the it would be little David Silva. So far he has scored once and set-up three of his teammates in the competition – I think that’s someone you would definitely call a wingman and would love to have with you on a night out! Although he didn’t have the best of games in his last game, I think he will definitely perform against the French. He must perform should we say?

Team Six: France

Les Bleus were drawn into Group D, which most pundits expected them to qualify from, and they did.  They had a hard fought 1-1 draw with England in the 90 Minute War and then beat the Ukraine 2-0 to pretty much guarantee qualification. In what can only be seen as a massive blip against Sweden in their last game, they lost 2-0 in which Ibrahimovic scored a sensational strike to put France to the guillotine. An England win put France into second place that means they will now face European and World Champions Spain.

France will be pretty confident going into the Spain game, although they had a terrible performance against the Swedes that reminds you of their performances in South Africa in 2010. They were unbeaten in 23 matches prior to their demolishment by Sweden, and they can take plenty of heart from that in their match against the Spanish.

Karim Benzema and Samir Nasri are by far and away the best players the French have at the tournament. Benzema hasn’t hit form goal scoring wise yet, but has two assists to his name, whereas Nasri has one goal: a great strike against England in their first game. Spain will have their little hands full trying to handle both of these Frenchmen.

Quarter-Final Three Prediction: Spain 2-1 France

Team 7: England

Pessimism and doubt seem to have done England the world of good at this tournament, as they have performed quite well. They haven’t lost a single game yet, winning two and drawing one, and seem to be a very close-knit unit. The strikers are scoring goals and seem to be thriving on the weight of no expectations on their shoulders.

England face Italy in what will be a game most likely settled by a single goal. Both teams seem to like to play a defensive game, in other words they like to play 10 men behind the ball and build a wall across their goalmouths. England must fancy their chances against Italy, who had a less then great warm-up to the Euros, losing all three games.

Steven Gerrard has been the best Englishman at the tournament so far, with three assists in three games. He is simply a colossus in the midfield and if England have any chance of winning, he must perform like he has done the last three games. I’m sure, however, if he does one of his crunching tackles he may kill the Italian players – they go down like they’ve been shot.

Team Eight: Italy

After an utterly useless warm-up to the tournament, with the team playing worse than the Faroe Islands and the whole match-fixing scandal, the tournament has gone extremely well for the Italians. Draws against Spain and Croatia and then an empathic victory against Ireland has put them in a good position, facing an England team that I’m sure most of the world would think is well under strength and with a man who looks as old and grey as Gandalf in charge.

Italy will be confident going into their battle against England on Sunday – The Azzurri haven’t looked like losing a game yet (maybe because they’ve been bribing people? It’s just a thought). They may also think that in coming second in their group they’ve avoided the harder tie of France and so that may give them some confidence.

Although Italy may think Hodgson is older than Gandalf, Italy seem to have a player who is older than time itself: Andrea Pirlo. He has definitely been the best Italian at the tournament so far with one goal and two assists. England will definitely have to be on their toes at the back in order to cut out his balls that he very much likes to play.

Quarter-Final Four Prediction: England 1-2 Italy

There you have it. My indefinite guide to the quarterfinals at Euro 2012. I hope you put it to good use and manage to impress (or anger) your friends down the pub. Just remember, if the predictions are wrong then don’t blame me. Blame the Italians.

The FA (Fools Anonymous): The Unelected Dictatorship

The problem with an unelected governing body (or dictatorship if I am being politically correct), however large or small, is that it always seems to be run by clowns that would have more use asking the simple question “would you like fries with that?” than making rules over something that people hold very dear to them. Remarkably, I’m not talking about Cameron and his band of merry men, or Ahmadinejad and his nuclear-obsessed friends, but the FA. The FA, or Fools Anonymous as it is better known, seems to want to make English football the laughing stock of the world, and the decisions it has taken this year proves that.

“What decisions may these be?” I hear you asking. Well, lets cast our mind back to the start of this topsy-turvy season.

We now find ourselves back at Loftus Road, home of Queen’s Park Rangers, which is playing host to the QPR vs. Chelsea game. Of course, everyone knows what happened on this day; the Red Lion regular John Terry racially abused Anton Ferdinand in front of the Sky cameras for all to see. But yet, the FA decided to deal with it in July, rather than at the moment. Who on Earth decided that this was a good idea? The only sane reason I can see for this would be if the FA got their favourite chimp from London Zoo to flip a double-sided coin on the matter. In this case, the trial got postponed until July. In Luis Suarez’ case, he gets a six match ban almost immediately. How does that work out? From what I can see, both cases are to do with racism, so both should be dealt in the same way, severely. No matter who you are, or who you think you may be, racism has no place in the modern game. Suarez, Terry and Sepp Blatter should all be tied up, possibly as piñatas at children’s birthday parties, and the children should be allowed to continuously hit them with a stick. I think that’s a quite minor punishment for something as serious as racism, but it’s a start. 

I now move onto the recent events of the FA unveiling Mr. Roy Hodgson as England manager. Firstly, huge congratulations must go to Hodgson on landing the job, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. I am a big fan of Hodgson, so I don’t think the FA made a mockery of the English game by appointing him. Far from it in fact. I do, however, believe the FA made a farce over how they went about finding an England manager. Let me ask you this, if you were a manager of a large company and you wanted to find your next employee, would you only interview one candidate? Does Lord Sugar only interview one candidate on the Apprentice? In the famous words of Margaret Thatcher, “No, no, no!” McDonalds doesn’t interview one person, not for the position of “bread slicer”, not for the position of “chip maker”, and not even for the position of “cleaner”.  So why should the FA?

It seems that English football is quickly becoming the laughing stock of the world, with racism not being dealt with, the FA being more concerned about money than performance and a team that only-had-three-shots-on-target-and-defended-for-175mins beating the best team in the world. But how do we solve it? Well, by George I think I got it.

The solution is simple, why not copy Parliament and elect the FA, and hold referendums on major issues within England, like the appointment of an England manager?

Before you start calling this a monstrosity and the most stupid idea since allowing Ray Wilkins to commentate on matches, have a think about it. We vote for a government who represents our best interests in Parliament. If we aren’t happy with what they are doing, we simply vote them out in a General Election. Everyone gets a vote, so everyone gets a say in how the country is run. Every constituency is represented by an MP who sits in Parliament, so that MP gets a say on how the country is run, who has in turn been told by his or hers constituency on how they want the country run. Now think about how this could be implemented into football. 

Every county has an FA. Middlesex has an FA, London has an FA, even Cumbria has an FA. How many of you actually know who the head of your local FA is? Why not use these as ‘constituencies’ and vote for a member of the local FA, just like we do in a by-election. Surely people would be happier with someone sitting as head of their local FA if they have voted them in? As a result of this, the candidates would have to go on the election trail, telling us what they would do if elected. Wouldn’t this mean that we were guaranteed to get improvements within our local areas, because if we didn’t we would simply vote them out and get a different candidate in. They would have to deliver. 

After all the county FA’s have elected members, then a carbon copy of Parliament could be set up at Wembley, where all the local FA’s come together to work in the best interests of the country. Not only would this give everyone a say, but it would make the system a whole load more democratic. At the moment, I feel the FA is more like Syria than Britain. Why should his Royal Highness the Duke of Cambridge be President of the FA? What does he know about the best interests of the common man’s game? Votes on the date of the FA Cup final, votes on whether England should apply to host the World Cup, votes on whether Celtic and Rangers should join the Football League. I still find it hard to believe why there are chief executives of major football clubs, such as Manchester United sitting on the board of directors at the FA. Wouldn’t this mean that they would favour things that would help them, rather than the game as a whole? The general opinion of the country would show through with democracy, rather than the opinion of a couple of highly paid men who think they can make a laughing stock of English football.  

This whole system would make the FA answerable to the people. I know a lot of people have issues and questions over the England manager affair, and I know that the FA does not wish to answer them. If we had an elected FA, then they would have to. It could mean that even normal people like you or I would be able to run for the local FA, and then maybe even work our way up. Local people like you and I who love football, and would make football the best it could possibly be.

I know that FIFA have a similar sort of system, but the heads of the national FA’s are the only ones who vote for the President. That is not democracy. Surely each individual country should vote for who they wish to be President, and then all the national FA’s put that person’s name forward for President, and then the results are tallied up. Also, I’m pretty certain that more than one person would like to be FIFA President, so I can see no logical reason why only Sepp Blatter has been running for it. It’s a joke if I’m honest. Sepp Blatter is the most corrupt, inept and idiotic man to have ever been involved in football. If democracy were to be incorporated into football, a man like this would never have a say in it.

Of course, there may be some problems with this system. For example, how would every football fan in England be able to register to vote? Well, once again it can take the same form as the electoral role. Obviously not everyone in England is a football fan, so it’d be up to the individual to register with their local FA, which could easily been done by using their websites. Using the FA’s FAN numbering system could even do this: a simple login that would then allow the individual to vote online. Sepp Blatter will most definitely be against this, seeing as it incorporates technology into football. But sod him. Technology is the way forward, and this would make football a whole lot better.  Wouldn’t is be nice if he fell of a ‘step-ladder’ trying to install goal line technology? How ironic would that be?

Another problem may be the length of time it would take the FA Parliament to make a decision on issues. But it can be said that there is plenty of time for decisions to be passed through, for example the England manager only has so many games a year, so the time length taken to appoint one wouldn’t have to be rushed at all. On other issues, such as the FA Cup final date, the decision could be taken at the start of the season, well before the FA Cup was due to take place. I don’t see time being an issue. As a famous television advert once said, “Good things take time”. 

Maybe this idea will be as revolutionary as the Arab Spring last year. Maybe people will look at the idea as fondly as they looked at the topple of Fascism and Communism. Or maybe the FA will simply ignore it, as they have ignored many good ideas before. The FA: Fool’s Anonymous. More than likely, I’m sure they’d like to remain anonymous. That way when things go wrong, the individual can stay out of the spotlight. It’s a shame that, everyone knows democracy works best. Unless you are David Bernstein, who obviously thinks dictatorship is.